Penny Hero (dot) Net

I just had a heated conversation with a friend about how financial aid screws us over a lot… she’s complaining about how some grant she usually gets got decreased, and how she was given a different grant instead and she was trying to understand why they’d “screw her over” like that.

Blah blah blah.

She’s fucking wearing brand-name clothes, and she lives in this 3-story house in north corvallis and her parents are relatively rich. (they have their own business.) What the fuck is she complaining about? She got to go to China or something for a year last year. The pen she’s using alone costs about $10. Jesus fucking christ. I’m sitting here with a $300/month budget, living NOT WITH MY PARENTS, and she’s sitting across from me wearing $75 shoes, saying how we need to set up “some kind of complaint system” to whine about how our lives suck and the government doesn’t give us more money.

“So you live with your family right?”
“yeah.”
“So you don’t have to deal with rent and stuff right?”
“No. Because then I’d have to work.”

Jesus christ. I hate rich whiny people.

I’m calling this temporary cease=fire with Direct Loans ONLY because their office hours are now over. (Fuck office hours).

What I learned today:

• Direct Loans needs verification that I was enrolled in school prior to a Sept. 21st, 2003 deadline in order to return my grace-period to me.
• OSU relies on the National Student Clearinghouse to report enrollment information to Loan/medical/etc etc organizations.
• OSU last posted information to the NSC on Sept. 10, 2003 (note: before Sept. 21st.)
• Because the information was known and posted on the 10th, it would seem that OSU knew I was enrolled on or before that date. Unfortunately, no certified date-of-registration to prove this is included in my NSC record, so I can’t just print that out and mail it off like the Registrar said I could.

There are a few things I need to find out in order to completely understand how to get my grace period back.

For example: In my Direct Loans “Borrower’s Rights and Responsibilities”, it clearly states when a borrower’s grace period begins. (The day “enrollment” falls below a certain point) However, it does not clearly state when the grace-period ends. If I can find something that says that it ends when 6-months pass and student remains not enrolled, then I know I’m right. It would be only a small task to prove that the date I registered for Fall classes was LONG before Sept. 21st.

However, if I find something that states that the grace period ends when 6 months pass and ’student is not attending class‘ or ’school-term has not yet begun’, then I’m in trouble.

In that possible case, I am not sure how far I could get with my original “I was misadvised in March by OSU Financial AID office” argument because I have nothing to document the conversation that led me to decide to take Spring term off in the first place.

I’m told that the last thing I’ll be able to do is submit a letter explaining my situation and OSU’s various offices will “see what we can do”. The Financial Aid office even said that they doubted they could do anything at all (bad form, you!), but to “keep it in mind.”

*sigh* I’m tired now.

In Other News: For shits and giggles, I downloaded an NES emulator and started playing Legend of Zelda. For the record: that game is infuriating. I’m coming to understand that players are expected to die a million times in order to get ANYWHERE. Wah. that just feels like cheating. But then again, I got hooked on gaming no sooner than N64-era games (And LATE N64-era at that.), so I don’t know what all this old-school shit is really all about.

Question for those who have played LoZ: You can buy arrows in one of the caves… where the fuck do you get the bow? I can’t use them. and I want to. wah.

I just got off the phone with “Becky” with Direct Loans. I’m going to try really really hard not to swear about this. (crying is a whole different story though.)

When I had to take a term off of school last March, I specifically asked the financial aid offices what would happen. I asked if I would have to pay anything on my loans, if I would lose any kind of financial aid, etc etc. They specifically told me that as long as I was enrolled in school by September, there would be no problems.

BUT… Direct Loans does not look at registration information before the date that school actually begins. This means that until the date that school actually begins, all students are considered to be unenrolled. Now, with schools that begin in early September, this is no problem, because the grace period doesn’t end until Sept 21st.

Unfortunately for me, OSU begins on September 29th… and as far as Direct Loans is concerned, I’ve been unenrolled with no intention of going back to school for six months, plus a measly 8 frickin days.

If school had begun last week, I would still be eligible for the six-month grace period after I graduate. But because OSU starts a week later than most schools, I’m now obligated to begin paying off my loans the month after I graduate. That leaves me about zero time to find a post-graduation job, and forces me to try and work even more though school so that I can have a cushion of money ready for the day I graduate.

The bottom line is, if the financial aid offices had told me that I would lose my 6-month grace period if I took Spring term off of school, I would have chosen to just eat the debt, and stay.

I genuinely thought that I was being smart by taking some time to work my fucking ass off at two jobs (to the detriment of some of my closest friendships … Takeshi, Paul, Mitsuha, Ben… to name a few) to earn enough money to come back with a clean slate. Nothing led me to believe that taking time off to work and earn money would be a stupid idea.

But now, I don’t think any of it was worth it. I should have just stayed.

Maybe I’m over-reacting. But it royally pisses me off that the financial aid offices failed to tell me that I would lose my 6-month grace period. I’m going over there today and detonating a thermo-nuclear-weapon asking if there is anything they can do since it is OSU’s fault, NOT MINE, that I lost my grace-period..

Sometimes I have serious doubts about why I chose to go to college. It isn’t a question of whether or not I enjoy it… or if it is the best thing for me to do… But… I don’t have a reliable means to pay the fees, the tuition… I didn’t have a reliable means of paying my tuition when I started… I just thought I could meet the challenges as they came.

How intelligent is that?

It will be a waste of the money I already have put together, and it will be a waste of the loans I’ll have to pay back anyway, if i don’t graduate. But… I’m not sure if I’ll even make it to my junior year.

I’m making a bank deposit… barely a three-digit deposit… and my only source of income… which is not nearly enough to put a dent in my very 4-digit “amount due prior to registration.” It’s… overwhelming.

I don’t want to be told “maybe you should drop out until you can afford it.”

My mom is helping me, for which I’m infinitely grateful. But… at some point, she isn’t going to be able to.

I want a job. And I want to stay in school.

If… my FAFSA transaction number is something like [04], does that mean I was the [4th] person to apply for financial aid this year? (I did apply a mere 48-or-so hours after they started accepting applications…)

That’s good right?

Wow. Maybe I’ll get work-study. :) :)

I had a slight epiphany while in the shower… I think I that must have a very incorrect idea about money. The value I put on money isn’t great enough, and so therefore I have trouble understanding how something as non-material as an education can depend so heavily on money. The connection between a non-material thing, like knowledge, and money just hasn’t been made.

But maybe I should be making that connection. And once that sinks in, and I have a greater appreciation for money, I won’t have so many re-occuring problems with it.

I just realized that I have no Japanese class tomorrow morning, so I can stay up late tonight working on scholarship applications and homework. I guess this means I will live, huh. :)

It really is amazing what kinds of insight one can gain while naked.

I want to withdraw. Just go sit in a closed room and read. I don’t want to think about anything. It’s just too overwhelming.

Money, tuition, financial aid, midterms, finding a job, reconciling with (unnamed), registration (which might NOT happen because of my lack of money), anxiety and pure terror about what will happen if I can’t pay my bill…

I was walking through the M.U. on my way back to the dorms and I just felt this white hot envy for all the people I passed… all of them contentedly studying or talking or reading or eating… and all of them apparently able to somehow pay for their tuition. I didn’t like the feelings I felt. I felt so much anger, rage, jealousy. I saw Bruke and Brandi and I ended up lashing out at Bruke when he messed up my hair as a greeting. I apologized and told him I was in a bad mood… but still. I don’t want to feel this way. I don’t want to walk around with such a dark outlook on everything. I look at my neighbors and all I feel is jealousy… because I have no reason to believe that their parents aren’t rich, or that they don’t have financial aid either… none of them come back to their room crying over money.

This is just so stupid. Of all the things I’m broken up over, money is the thing that deserves the least attention. It isn’t important. I’m not motivated by money, or a desire for a high paying job. I don’t hoard things for myself, I have no desire to have any amount of worldly possessions (except maybe a pen and a notebook… ) I just want to stay in school. And it is sickening how money can make or break an education.

I don’t know what to do right now. It’s too late to find a job already. If I were hired today, my first paycheck wouldn’t arrive until next term’s registration begins. My dad says he can’t help me any more than he already is, and my mom hasn’t given me any new information about a possible loan through her bank with her credit record. I have less than 3 weeks to get this figured out or I have to drop out of school.

I am so fucking scared. And I feel powerless. And I feel like a total whiny-ass-bitch because anyone else would have anticipated this and worked harder earlier to get a job, or would have applied for more scholarships. I am so stupid. I didn’t see it. Or rather, I did see it and I just ignored it. I heard my dad say “You’ll figure something out.” and I just trusted that.

*sigh*

I just need to relax. And just keep going. Do what I can for now, and be sure that tomorrow finds me farther than today. (HWL)

I feel special. I have become a victim of credit card fraud. I shit you not.

My mom emailed me a few days ago saying that some odd charges had been made to one of the accounts she and I share in Hawaii. Two days, eight emails and much bank-investigation later, we discover that dspay.com and it’s clone ordmedia.com have somehow been charging us monthly (if irregularly) for some kind of service… IF you go to those sites (and I suggest you don’t because they smell funny, their servers are un-secure, and have a VERY suspicious “dispute policy”) I am sure you will be just as amused as I was when I read this:

We have noticed an increase of fraud over the past few months. Unfortunately, much of this fraud is perpetrated by customers who have legitimately purchased services, but later deny having done so to their credit card companies. Please keep in mind this is illegal , in fact this is a felony punishable by jail time.

We fully investigate all claims of credit card fraud.

In addition, if you are suspected of such activity, your credit card may be listed with credit fraud agencies and will be unable to be used for future internet purchases. Your credit rating may also be effected.

This was thrown in my face in the form of a “warning” pop-up. On the main page of the site, another stinky bit of html (in bold print) reads:

If there is a charge on your statement from Dspay.com
and you do not know what it is in reference to, please [click here]. (link removed)

When I followed the instruction to “click here” I was taken to a non-secure page asking me to enter my credit card number in order to trace my account history with them.

Hmmm… Hmm… It really makes me wonder (and feel incredibly sorry for) the poor people out there who have fallen for this trap and have entered their credit card numbers to find out about these charges.

Any hacker type people want to PLEASE hurt these evil jerks?

No one but me cares about this, but I’m going to write about it anyway because it makes me feel really good about myself. :)

This morning, I accomplished something for the absolute first time ever on my own! I balanced my checkbook to the penny ALL BY MYSELF!!! Whoo hoo! It took me two days to do it because I had to go to work yesterday in the middle of my math… so I came home thinking I’d finish it then but Bonnie was asleep in the living room. So I had to postpone it until morning. I just finished. :)

I got screwed up though for a while though… because there was this weird $12.93 charge that I had a receipt for, but it wasn’t on my statement… and it really should have been. It had me confused for a really long time… But then I suddenly realized that it was Val’s debit receipt. He had paid for a purchase at Hot Topic while I was up there because my stupid card wouldn’t authorize. Somehow I ended up with the receipt and kept it in my records. ha ha. Well, I hope it hasn’t screwed up Val’s checkbook… him not having this receipt. It was pretty funny.

Anyway. Tonight I’m going to see Cats in Portland with Christian. I’m pretty excited. I never have an excuse to dress up and look nice. I can’t wait. I’ve never seen the play before, but it has this sentimental value to me already. I have this musical cat figurine that plays “Memories”. My grandma on my dad’s side gave it to me for my birthday one year and I have always absolutely loved that melody… I’ve never heard the complete version of the song… except once when Val’s mom played it on piano (and the mp3 I’ve just downloaded)… but the melody just makes my mind relax, and it makes me very calm and happy. Just to hear where that song came from will be an awesome experience.

Ha ha ha. But no one cares! And it’s cool. Because I’m happy and content and my life is simple and great. No boyfriends, no obsessive stalkers, no stupid high school gossipy people, no frustrating freshmen to nag at weekly meetings. Life is great. *happy grin* I like this post-high school shit. :)