Penny Hero (dot) Net

I hate being on the birth control pill for the following reasons:

• NAUSEA
• I feel like I’m constantly underwater
• my mood swings get worse
• NAUSEA
• my periods feel foreign
• NAUSEA

*sigh*

Yesterday I wasn’t sure if I’d taken a pill that morning, so I took another one last night. This morning, I was really really sick. Puking up empty air and water since 7am this morning. (It’s now nearly 11am). I’m missing class right now too. I emailed my teacher and tried to discreetly explain that no, I’m not hung-over but I don’t know if she got the email in time… I didn’t want to miss class today. This means I can’t miss friday’s class after the Sherman Alexie talk… gah.

Anyway… I think I’m going to go puke again… I wish this would stop. nothing helps. Even puking doesn’t help the nausea go away. god i hate this… I just want to die.

Tell me if you think that results like this would be statistically significant at all…

Let’s say that researchers were studying a certain species of insect. These “tidal bugs” were observed to have very elaborate feeding cycles that peaked regularly, and for SOME individuals, the cycle was in sync with the tides, even for those that did not live near the ocean. However, most individuals’ cycles ranged quite a bit, so that only about 30% of the population was “in sync” with the tide cycle.

Researchers want to know if there is any correllation between high tide and their cycles because high tide is an “urban myth” explanation for the elaborate feeding cycles and they want to see if there is any scientific evidence to back up that kind of correlation.

They studied the 30% of the total population that had a cycle with equal or less than 1/2 hour difference from the tide cycle and found that the feeding cycle peak happened within 6 hours of high tide in 69% of the population studied.

My question: Does this statistically reveal a correlation between high tide and the peak of this species of bugs’ feeding cycles? Why or why not? If you need more information, I’ll try to find it and answer specific questions about the study or the statistics themselves.

I’ve got my analysis happily hidden in a jabber chat log conversation with a friend… but I’d really like to know if I’m the only one who has come to these certain conclusions about this study.

Note: The study is real. And it totally wasn’t looking at bugs. I’ll tell you what I’m really talking about later… and that should make it clear why I’m interested in getting a third, fourth and seventeenth opinion on this analysis.

My body and I used to have a very love/hate relationship. But mostly hate. I hated how clumsy it was. I hated how it did not reflect anything close to who I really was. I hated the disparity between the person other people saw and the person I was inside. Hated it. I was two sides of a canyon. Ugly.

I don’t know what changed. I don’t know if every girl goes through this or not. Probably not… because if so, more women would be presidents, astrophysicists, biochemical-engineers, surgeons, soldiers.

I would not be who I am if I did not feel this way. I don’t know how I ever functioned properly without this. Me and my V are buddies now.

I want to meet more people who are capable of celebrating the human body.

I want to hear more songs, poetry, and public art that are created to celebrate sex.

And by celebrate, I mean like sunrises, or rhinestones. Celebrate it like parents. Celebrate it like I celebrate the awesome physics of neutron stars and the experience of real hugs.

The fact that not everyone celebrates is one of the great injustices that will never be solved in the big picture. One of those things like bad politics, slavery, Microsoft… en masse, no change is completely possible. I’m sure there’s some sociological law describing this, and I wish I knew its name. But the corollary to this law will describe how we can still live our own individual lives without suicide sometimes. Like how people in large groups are stupid, but individuals are unique and intelligent.

That’s how we have to live. That’s how we have to celebrate.

Happy V-Day. (a few hours late, but… yeah)

I’ll say it again: Squeamish men should look away.

I’m so sick and tired of the world’s attitudes about our menstrual cycle. Having a period is not some dirty thing that needs to be hidden or kept secret. There is nothing to fear in them. The fact that so many young girls are really scared about their first period reflects the attitudes about menstruation that are being impressed on them. I hate that the vast majority of girls are so embarrassed about their periods that they turn on the water-faucets full blast to mask the noise of changing their pad in the bathroom. (Seriously, I had no idea why girls did this until someone called me a bitch for turning it off on them. “I need to change my pad!” I thought someone just left the water on again)

The world should stop thinking of periods as some kind of traumatic event, and make it a positive experience. It’s bad enough that we have to feel stabbing cramps and headaches and dizziness. We don’t need the rest of the world imposing its fear on us too. First periods should be celebrated like birthdays. The rest of the world needs to get over their “dirty bleeding woman” complex and stop treating periods like some kind of interruption to life.

[Flash of Insight: If I ever have a daughter, her first period is going to be a big thing. Celebrated. She’ll wear red, and flowers, and mommy will throw her a special party with other Women. It will be one small step in the fight against these stupid negative attitudes.]

Now, I know that our society is “improving”, or whatever. I know that just a single generation ago, tampons and pads were not advertised anywhere outside of medical circles. All those commercials you now see about your period? Nope, not allowed. They were too “dirty” for public consumption.

I also feel a little frustrated with the way my gyn. seems to feel about periods. When I first started seeing her, she seemed to treat them like some kind of “minor inconvenience”, and told me how to use my pills to change when I’ll actually have a period. (Since I’ve only seen her for short periods of time, and only once a year, I may be greatly imposing unfair judgements on her.) I’ve since then read a bit of witchy things, and read a bit more feminist things, and I think that my attitudes about women and her attitudes about women severely conflict. My attitudes have changed so much that I’m seriously considering going off those pills, because I feel this urge to understand what and who I really am… not what those pills make me.

(But, I also know that going off BC is stupid… because despite the fact that male-contraception has now been proven 100% effective in studies, it is still not available for general prescription, and I find it unlikely that many guys would really opt for it. )

I love being female. I really do. But I hate that the person I know I am inside is different from how the rest of the world sees me.