japanese

keigo in english… hehe. oh boy.

I cringe every time I read an email between my friends on our mutual club-related listserv when it reads something like “Thanks Jim. It looks very complete. I look forward to talking with you about it on Wednesday!”

Gahh! It just sounds so … I don’t know. so keigo. So, over-polite. so.. so much like what I’d expect in some anal-retentive office, or written between 40 year old business people who are trying to pretend to be “casual” the way “Casual Friday” is casual. But this is just A STUDENT ORGANIZATION. and we’re all good friends! what the hell!

It’s just so ick. And up until now, I’ve stuck with my less formal-polite tone and corresponded with them more like human beings. All my writing OUTSIDE the group has been very very formal, though. don’t get me wrong.

gah. I just wish they’d stop. Wish they’d write normally with us. (SAVE KEIGO FOR THE OUT-GROUP!!)

On the other hand, maybe I should be writing more like that too… and I just don’t know it… :(

Shit, i’m going to be late for work.

japanese

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j-faces and an ode to Arya

I love arya. yes I do.

he helped me fix fink and helped me figure out python version problems. :) and now in 40 minutes or so, I’ll discover if Zope will FINALLY be happy with me and bloody install.

*hugs arya*

and then we spent about 5 minutes doing this:

arya (9:58):

へ へ
 し
 ーー
me (9:59): that's so cute!
hahahaha

へ へ
 し
 ーー
me (10:00): tee hee 

arya (10:00):
 へ へ
  も
  ー 

me (10:00): hahaha 

へ へ
 し
  ロ

arya (10:01):
 の の
  も
  ~ 

me (10:02): hahaha i'm seriously laughing

arya (10:02): :) 

 へ へ
 の の  -猫だよ!
  ー
omg this is way more fun than my homework
actually it could be some sort of gremlin type thing

arya (10:05):
   へ  へ
  (の の)
     ーノ 

Arya rules!

In Other News “Explosions in the Sky” is spiffy. almost as spiffy as Sparklehorse.

quotes
japanese

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writing my seminar paper 中

Oxymoron of the day: significant minorities.

Word of the day: kokusaika (国際化):the discourse of “internationalization”. I’m reading about how that word actually seems to mean “Americanization” and the significance of that disparity. Kinda interesting.

japanese
school

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Go j-pun.

discouraging/funny pun thing that’s only amusing if you know nihongo:

For kicks, I was composing in Japanese what I would like to say to SC/ongaku boy next time I saw him.

The phrase “I want to say something” is nanika itai. coincidence, or not, nanika itai is also “something hurts”.

Funny? no?

I laughed.

And then I wanted to cry.

japanese

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kowai japanese movie

Anno Hideaki has a new movie. And I wish that I could understand more of what it is about. It looks like a real-life type of exploration of the same kinds of psychological um… stuff that he tried to explore in Evangelion… but I could be wrong. It could have just been that clip of the people sitting on stage alone, and the sound of the train-crossings that brought back such strong Eva memories.

clicky.

I need a native japanese speaking, hard-core Hideaki fan to explain this to me… *whines*

movies
japanese

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It finally happened.

Japanese class is starting to kick my ass. I never thought it would finally happen. But yesterday, I found myself looking at the class notes and realizing that none of what we were learning was review from my high school classes anymore.

This means I’m going to have to actually study now. Shit.

The new vocabulary lists are landing 80 mph crescent kicks in my gut too. Japanese business honorifics from 1950s are simply not useful to me. How many ways do we really need to learn how to say the word “maybe” ? And why do I need to memorize 8 different Japanese business titles? (President, Director, Section Chief etc) And what the fuck is up with the phrase “tsugo ga ikagadesu ka” ? Nakamura-sensei translates it as “How is your convenience?” but uh… that’s just wrong.

Anyway, I’m done ranting. Time to get back to php, library-studies, math, Japanese, philosophy, and English homework.

I’ve sworn off espresso for the last week to avoid another manic-attack… but I don’t know if it is going to help if I don’t make some serious progress tonight.

japanese

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Frustrations with a Foreign Language Theme (Foreign Languages part II)

Frustration No. 001:

I’m chicken. Nothing but a big bloody chicken. I want to ask my Japanese teacher a question… but I have so far come up with about 7 different excuses not to. And the three times I actually have gone to her office with the intention of asking, she hasn’t been there.

It has gotten to the point where this whole question I want to ask is stupid. It is becoming old. And I’ve told so many people about it, I wouldn’t be surprised if she already knows I want to come ask her something. Gawd, I feel like I’m back in Elementary school when I would lay in bed awake at night thinking about what I would say to some boy if I saw him over by the monkey bars the next day. And of course I wouldn’t carry out my plans when I actually did see him.

It has become stupid and old and I am almost embarrassed to go try to talk to her now.

Frustration No. 002:

I have come to realize that not only do I not have all the answers, I really have very few. It was wrong of me to think that I failed to help Tomo due to language. It makes me feel like an ineffective person. And I wish that I could be …wise.

Frustration No. 003:

I am a bit scared about going to Japan. I don’t even know how to effectively order coffee. I don’t know how to count things, I don’t know how often people actually use “hajimemashite” or if those things are just taught in class… the way “Hello. How are you today?” is taught in ESL classes in the United States. I’m frightened of the possibility of crowds. I’m frightened that I’ll get lost in Narita airport. I’m afraid of offending someone by using the wrong style of speech. (especially Tomo’s parents.)

On another note. Alfredo Cassero kicks ass. His voice, and the way he combines so many elements of music makes him sound a little like a Japanese Dave Mathews band. I’d imagine that the lyrics also have similar complexity of content. (I love the Okinawan [guitar type instrument] combined with techno-ish mixing.)

japanese

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Identity warp… initiated by a bilingual boyfriend.

Tomo has been asking me to tell him a story… daily… in Japanese so that I can practice my speech and conversation skills. It’s been helpful, but extremely difficult as I have been needing to look up every other word, and I must confine myself to very simple subject/object/verb sentences. Often times he laughs at me and says “oh we don’t say that…” because I had tried to directly translate an American thought into Japanese and botched it. Sometimes he doesn’t even tell me at all.

The first day I told him a story, he said something that really made me think. He told me that I “look different” to him when I try to speak Japanese. He said that he is so used to hearing me speak clear and perfect English that hearing me speak Japanese was very different. I had to stop… It startled me to realize that the feelings I had recently discovered were mutual. Wait. Let me back up a little bit…

Now, Tomo speaks English very well, but he has a very strong accent. His accent contributes to this kind of image of him that I have in my mind. I’m positive that other people also have a kind of language-based image of him too… but they respond to it differently. (Some people patronize him. Some are merely amused. I’m attracted to it.) When I first met him, Tomo appeared to me to be an intellectual and semi-introverted person. And maybe just a little bit shy. But then, a few weekends ago, Japanese Student Association was getting ready for Japanese Night. Tomo’s section of the project was the creation of these great big decorative balls called Kusudama. We had this big “Kusudama making party” at Fumi’s house. The majority of the people there spoke Japanese, and thus, so did Tomo for most of the night. Tomo’s appearance there seemed to morph drastically. He lost all trace of his previous shy-ness and began organizing, conversing, laughing and working in a way that I had not seen before. He was funny, and assertive, and very quick. I couldn’t take my eyes off him. It made me blush… because this Tomo was extremely attractive… and I felt kinda funny thinking that I was dating him… because it was like seeing this new exciting person… I got this brief tingling feeling like “god… I want to go talk to him. I’d like to get his phone number.” before I stopped and realized that I already had it… and I’d be going home with him when the party was over. I got a tiny glimpse into a world that I won’t ever really be a part of. I can never become a Native Japanese speaker. I can never change my physical appearance. Maybe I won’t ever truly be accepted into Japanese society. But those issues are part of human sociological nature and I don’t resent that. I was just so enthralled to be given this glimpse into Tomo’s “true” form.

I think perhaps Tomo sees a similar kind of change in me when I speak Japanese. It makes me wonder what I look like. I’ve always been curious what my accent sounds like to people from other places… But this takes that to a completely different level. It is an entire identity change… not just an accent. What do I look like to someone from New Zealand? What do I look like to someone from Russia?

It raises the question of how much of our identity is determined by the way we speak. People who don’t speak the standard version of their country’s language might be seen as less-intelligent, less educated, or misunderstood. Their speech might be seen as incorrect, or sloppy. Culture (and the languages and dialects it supports) is one of the most misunderstood things in Human society.

I think it is sad how our image of someone can be so irreversibly distorted simply because of the way that we speak. Speech seems like such an insignificant part of our identity. Our clothing and our attitudes usually are identified with first. Speech seems to be a sort of unconscious divider. Speech is the thing you are referring to when you tell someone that a new acquaintance “is nice, but… not my type”.

How much of our identity is dependent on other people’s views of us? If our own view of our self is the only true version of us, how do we communicate that to another person if we can’t even trust our language to accurately portray our true essence? Their perspective is inherently different. But who are we to say that the person in their mind is incorrect? Who are we to say that that image of us is false? It is the person that our lovers and boyfriends have loved all along. Is it ok to tell them that they have been kissing the wrong person this whole time? Our parents too. Would it be wrong to inform them that you are not the daughter that they know and love, and that the one they know has never existed? Does the version of Me in Their minds exist somewhere real? If so, that would make her part of who I am. We may have a million different versions of Self floating around in the universe, most of them totally unknown and totally unique from the others.

The Self might not be contained in a single shell. A thousand mirror images, reflections, refractions, each of them an Original to the soul who sees them. Does this mean that I am not an I at all? Does this mean that I am actually a We?

Wow. What a mindfuck. (Maybe I’m the sixth Eva pilot)

thoughts
japanese

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Tomo e…

I’ve decided that this could quite possibly be the most beautiful song in the world.


Yubiwa
By: Sakamoto Maaya

Namida ga ato kara afuredashite
Saigo no egao ga nijinde mienai no
Ikanaide, Ikanaide. . . koko ni ite
Sora e hikari kakenukete - yuku

Konna ni chiisa na watashi dakedo
Anata wo dare yori sei ippai aishita
Arigatou ikutsumo no
Taisetsu na kimochi
Tewata shite kureta yo ne

“Sono toki zutto watashi wa kie kaketa hikoukigumo wo mite - ita. . .”

Wasurenaide
Hitori ja nai
Hanarete mo te wo tsunaide - iru

Hajimete no koi hajimete shitta
Konna kanashimi ga aru koto

Nanika ga shoumetsu shite mo nanika ga
Futatabi yadotte
Wakare ni kureta hohoemi wa tsuyoku
Ikiyou to yuu
Anata kara no MESE - JI

Itsuka kitto aeru
Futari naraba
Tookute mo hitomi mitsumeau
Kibou to yume no subete wo kakete

Yakusoku wo shiyou yo
Ano hi no hageshisa wo
Daite
Ashita saku mirai wo
Ikiru


Ring (Yubiwa)
By: Sakamoto Maaya

As my tears keep overflowing one after another,
I can’t see your last smile through their blur.
Please don’t go, please don’t go. . . stay here.
Light bursts through the sky

Even this insignificant me
Loved you more than anyone, with all my soul
Thank you for all of
The precious feelings
You’ve given me

“When you took off, I was watching for a long time as the vapor trail disappeared.”

Please don’t forget
You’re not alone.
Even if we’re apart, we can still carry on hand-in-hand.

With my first love, I first realized
That there could be such sorrow.

Even if something lapses away,
something will live once again.
When you gave me a smile as we parted,
It was your message for me
To truly live with all my heart.

I just know that we’ll see each other someday.
Even if we’re far apart,
We can gaze in each others’ eyes.
Let’s bet everything on all our hopes and dreams.

Let’s promise each other
That we’ll hold on to the intensity we felt
That day,
And live the future that blooms
In tomorrow.

*sigh*

If I could, I’d find some way to get the music out here too, but… I’ve always thought that this song was beautiful… but now that I have the translation… and after I saw Tomo’s reaction to it when I insisted that he listen to this “really pretty Escaflowne song” it holds much more meaning.

No one probably cares… but that’s ok. :) This isn’t for you, it’s for Tomo anyway.

music
japanese

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*goes insane*

James Iha singing in Japanese!!!!!

Oh my god!!!

Arigatou to Dean-sama and MaruChan for bringing the existence of this other side of the Iha God to my attention.

Long live the Pumpkins’ Legacy!

Anyways… on another subject… Yeah I believe I was a little harsh and violent and… well, angry in my last entry which included a rant about a certain frustrating manager… I’ve since changed that entry to “friends only” to prevent the public from reading it… and thus preventing the “bite in the ass a year or so from now” which my father has predicted… So yeah… I apologize for any damage the sight of my anger may have caused anyone. Now you don’t have to see it. :) As an epilogue to that episode, we did discover why no one knew the schedule had been changed… turns out Mitch did tell someone. But he only told one person… I think it is important to inform everyone on the schedule of changes… so that we can contact each other if there is some kind of emergency and we need to trade shifts or something… then we’d know who is working when.

Anyway… I’m not so evil of a person…. I promise.

I’m happy though. Dean comes here to visit pretty soon… like… in a few days. :) *does a little dance* And I got mp3s from the Chara/James Iha album. (in which James DOES actually sing in Japanese… ^_^;)

No other news I don’t think… if I have some more news, Livejournal will no doubt crash on cue and you’ll never see it anyway.

me

japanese
smashing pumpkins

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