I was driving through Hilo this afternoon, and I suddenly had this insanely strong I’m done with Hawaii feeling. Don’t know why… I think it’s just the fact that nothing has changed whatsoever. I know when most people go back home, they have the same resentment towards their hometown… usually. college life makes you feel all elitist and crap.
I also feel really crappy for my bro. He’s got it way harder than I did in high school.
I wanted to write an article about my return and make it all about how “things change, but everything remains the same” for the Tribune Herald and try to get myself a guest-column job… but I can’t bring myself to write anything nice about hilo. I wish I loved this place like I used to. Flying in, I used to almost cry because I missed it here so much…
Last time I was here, I got all sentimental and happy to be here. All this spiritual stuff came back to me, but there’s nothing like that now. It might be because of the move. The house I grew up in is being sold. the rock I used to sit on is completely covered by an autograph tree and you can’t even see it anymore. The Dinosaur house is being sold and possibly rebuilt. The tree I used to talk to got cut down. I can’t see the ocean from the new house, yadda yadda.
This might all just be because I’ve been sick. I’ll probably really regret it when I leave. I love my friends and my family and I’ll hate it if this turns out to be my last time here… but…
I dunno. it’s all complex and silly. And I can’t write right now either.
This entry makes it sound like I’m miserable! shit! no really, it’s nice and relaxing. 56k teaches me much patience. I can watch an entire episode of Family Guy while my friends list loads. :) I even met a few new people and didn’t freak out and clam up around the girl I met. yay. :)
Party tomorrow. birthday the next day. isn’t that neat? :)
hide_thedetails | 02-Sep-05 at 5:58 am | Permalink
happy birthday? :)
wavingdrowning | 02-Sep-05 at 8:34 am | Permalink
Happy birthday! Give me a call when you get back to town, we should hang out.
altf4osu | 02-Sep-05 at 9:27 am | Permalink
Sounds like you’re getting Island fever. Some things change, the scenery, the trees, the rock, etc., but at the same time, there’s so much beauty around you that you shouldn’t dwell on the past, but look to the future. What is the view from your new house? Is there another tree that you can talk to? Another rock to sit on?
You’ve closed the book on one chapter of your life. The tree, the rock, the house. It’s all in that last chapter. It’s time to look for a new tree, maybe a grove of bamboo, or a cool palm grove. Something out of the way, that you can claim as yours. Find a new space, maybe not a rock, but it could be something else that you can start writing a new chapter in your life on.
You’re in paradise. What you really need are a fresh pair of eyes to help you see that. I recommend picking up a tourist and showing that person around the island, and enjoying the way they view the amazing sites. There’s so much to see, but it’s amazing when we live somewhere, the beauty of it becomes boring and teadious. Corvallis is really a gorgeous city, amazing trees, nice people, Chip Ross park, etc. etc., but to so many it’s just ‘Cornvally’. Remeber that if you look at something in a new way, you’ll see more beauty in it.
Good luck and happy birthday.
rainn9sirenn9 | 02-Sep-05 at 11:05 am | Permalink
It’s your birthday tomorrow? I probably won’t be online tomorrow so I’ll just wish you happy birthday now. Happy Birthday!!1 how old will you be? 22? 23? I turn 25 on the 16th. Scary, huh? I’m getting sooo old!
I know exactly what you mean about Hawaii. I have very mixed feelings about the place. It’s starting to lose it’s charm, at least to me. There are some places that still have an effect on me, though.
So when are you going back to Oregon? I was really bummed out that you weren’t around while we were up there. Alex was really excited about the possibility of seeing you.
We’re going back up in like a month so hopefully we will see you then
xjaymanx | 02-Sep-05 at 12:28 pm | Permalink
yeah, change is a double-edged sword… you miss the things that make up wonderful memories, but it’s also an opportunity to see with new eyes and (dare i say it?)… make new memories…
that’s great about not “freaking out” and “clamming up” ;))) … sounds like good news/hope for the next year… happy birthday! ;)))
starladear6 | 02-Sep-05 at 8:18 pm | Permalink
Hey thanks Dani. And happy birthday to you too on the 16th. I’ll be 23 tomorrow. it’s very strange feeling.
I’ll be back in Oregon on the 21st (late at night). That’d be awesome if you guys came up again. I was really excited about maybe seeing you guys too, and really bummed when I found out it overlapped with my trip home. email me some time and I’ll give you my phone number or something.
starladear6 | 02-Sep-05 at 8:19 pm | Permalink
totally. :) And… are you taking fiction with marjorie again next term by any chance?
starladear6 | 02-Sep-05 at 8:19 pm | Permalink
thanks? :)
*hugs*
wavingdrowning | 02-Sep-05 at 9:32 pm | Permalink
No, it was all full. I’m kind of bummed because it’s my last term and I wanted to work on some stories for grad school apps. I might try to get in ;)
I am taking literacy & technology with Lisa Ede though, I think it’ll be cool, you should definitely take it.
starladear6 | 03-Sep-05 at 3:10 am | Permalink
awesome. gavin and I are definitely taking that. unless he chickens out. :)
nhuisman | 03-Sep-05 at 6:15 am | Permalink
hahaha i can post now
starladear6 | 03-Sep-05 at 6:17 am | Permalink
muahahaha. that’s what you think. one click and you’re banned!
:)
modernman55 | 03-Sep-05 at 2:52 pm | Permalink
Hey I didnt know you were back in town.
Birthday eh? Yeah I got one coming up sometime soon too.
As far as Hilo goes, a town is like a person. The longer you dont talk to them, the more you grow apart.
I dont know if that makes any sense… it might.
hide_thedetails | 03-Sep-05 at 4:51 pm | Permalink
i put the question mark because i didn’t know whether i should put happy birthday or happy belated birthday lol
i’m so silly. >_
autarchex | 12-Sep-05 at 7:18 pm | Permalink
Some bitches cut down my tree too :(