Setting: park-bench on the waterfront.
Penny, and her most promising new side-kick trainee Ilguk (a Korean-American porno-movie director), are wrapping up another of their secret super-hero meetings in front of an expensive restaurant where he just bought her dinner.
Penny: The stars look really nice tonight.
Ilguk: Yes they do, Penny.
Penny: The Superhero Comm-ship is up there, you know. Its orbit hides it in Jupiter’s light.
Ilguk: You shouldn’t tell me that. I’m not your side-kick yet.
Penny: Oh, but I think you will be. I trust you completely. You spent more time at the Academy than I did, and you are better at ballancing your own life with your Super-Hero life than I ever was. I’m an extremely good judge of character. You won’t betray me.
Ilguk: Ha ha ha ha. That’s what YOU think.
Penny: *blinks* What?
Ilguk: Oh, nothing. I just said “Ha ha ha ha. That’s what YOU think.”
Penny: You are joking right?
Ilguk: No.
Penny: What? I’m confused.
Ilguk: Penny? this is going to be hard forboth of usjust you, because I’m not even going to pretend to be torn up about this.
Penny: ??
Ilguk reaches up, grabs his own chin, and tears his own face off, revealing a bloody mass of smelly fat and bloody muscle hanging on to skull-bones and a few metal implants
Ilguk: I am none-other than your newest ARCH NEMESIS! You can call me Gukster the Really Good Faker!
Gukster the Really Good Faker strikes a dramatic pose and purple smoke seeps out of nowhere and transforms his non-descript clothing into evil lawyer-clothes.
Penny gasps in shock, and assumes a defensive position, pulling out a large chinese broadsword that she always keeps with her, but manages to somehow keep out-of-sight from the camera at all times
Penny: I applaud you for fooling me. That must have been quite a task to hide your astral aura from my super-psychic senses. You indeed have a talent for deception, so I think your Villian-name is apt.
Ilguk: Why thank you.
Penny: You understand that I must kill you now. You know too much.
Ilguk: Naturally, you must try. Don’t be decieved! it will be I who kills YOU!
he lunges with deception-acid-claws
Penny: back, you demon!
She runs from him down the sidewalk to put enough distance between them so that she can use her pocket-sized grenade launcher
Ilguk: You can run but you can’t hide!
Penny: I laugh at you and your cliches!! Not to mention that bad “don’t be decieved” pun!
Suddenly, half a dozen lights shine out of the sky and touch the ground surrounding Gukster the Really Good Faker. Shapes begin to grow and take form in the lights, and Penny begins to see the shadows and profiles of her most feared and sociopathic Arch Rivals from past comic-issues. She drops her grenade launcher in shock, which then snaps back into it’s pocket-sized shape.
The villians continue to materialize
Ilguk: Ha ha ha. What’s this?
Penny: (under her breath) This could be very bad for the Earth.
The shapes finish their materializing, and stand in their purple and blue sparkling anti-glory side-by-side with Gukster the Really Good Faker.
Southern Fruit Demon: Hey, you.
Ilguk: Me?
Boot, the Kung-Fu Non-Decliner: Yeah you. New guy. Come here. *yawns*
All old Villians in Unison: GET THE FUCK OFF OUR TURF!
Son of the Moke-Bird King: She’s got enough on her hands with us following her around for the rest of her life.
Shop-Teacher From 8th Grade: Hoh brah. Dat dumb-haole super-hero stay going DOWN someday brah. But not by you. no wayz brah. She stay OURS.
Penny: (from a distance) I thought you fuckers were locked up!
Villians: We are. But the guard let us out if we promised to waste this guy, because there isn’t any more room in the Jail of Penny’s Arch Nemesis’s.
Penny: I see. Carry on then. But don’t kill him. Just sew his face back on, so that when I see him at the Academy, I won’t pass out. I liked him better when he had skin.
Needles and threads fly, and Gukster the Really Good Faker is once-more (foricbly) transformed into the harmless Ilguk the Porno-Director, cum-splattered cheap camera in hand…. with two differences: his Academic transcript at the Super Hero Academy has been destroyed, and his Deception Acid is now ineffective because Penny has sent the chemical formula to the Comm-Ship, where a vaccine will be developed to protect her in the future.
The lights return, and the super-villians are zapped back to the Jail.
Penny approaches. Ilguk looks embarrassed, and touches his re-attached face.
Penny: You will drive me to my friends’ place so that I can laugh about this with them.
Ilguk: Um… Ok.
They drive away.
Penny: You’ve been expelled from the Academy for your betrayal. You have 25 days to return your textbooks and super-powers to the circulation desk or you will suffer late-fees.
Ilguk: …
Penny: And thanks for dinner.
THE END.
vanbeast | 13-Apr-04 at 4:27 am | Permalink
heh. Gukster.
starladear6 | 13-Apr-04 at 4:30 am | Permalink
For the record: he made that name up.
but yeah.
vanbeast | 13-Apr-04 at 4:31 am | Permalink
heh. I knew that :) That’s how I knew. *wink wink*, etc.
navona | 13-Apr-04 at 6:52 am | Permalink
Heh heh…I love it…die shop-teacher from 8th grade, die!
uninspired_net | 13-Apr-04 at 6:59 am | Permalink
Heh… Hrm.
I think at one time, you could have called me Gukster (but I’m not in this story with Penny).
The whole breakup thing sounds kinda like the way I ended my last relationship. I realized it was a shitty thing to do, but I didn’t know how else to tell someone that I didn’t feel the same way they did.
I justified it by saying “Well, there’s no NICE way to break up with someone, I did the best I could under the circumstances,” which helped assuage my guilt.
But it didn’t. I’m a total ass at times, and I’ll admit it freely. I think someday I’ll have to star in some sort of cross-over… Except, make me a character that’s a good guy most of the time, except I got hit by some “Asshole Ray” or I’ve got some Jekyl and Hyde syndrome or something that only surfaces at inconvenient times.
shellsofthedeep | 13-Apr-04 at 12:33 pm | Permalink
Hey E, I only removed you because you hadn’t answered my poll and that was the list I was using to tell who wanted to keep reading. I added you again and am sorry that I made you sad.
Yeah, I was really sick on Monday afternoon/evening. I’ll spare you the details but you can probably guess (after reading my other entries) what was going on. No fun at all. Hopefully I didn’t put you two in such a bind!!
starladear6 | 13-Apr-04 at 4:41 pm | Permalink
I’d been off of livejournal for almost a month. that’s the reason I didn’t see your poll.
and it’s ok, I’m not sad anymore since you added me back. if I’d been on livejournal and not wasting my time with a stupid worthless boy, I’d have replied and asked to stay on the list. :)
Still not quite sure what’s going on after reading your last few entries…? something to do with the diet? what did you mean by “hopefully I didn’t put you two in such a bind!!” ?
starladear6 | 13-Apr-04 at 4:55 pm | Permalink
(i kept reading) oh! that kind of sick. ahh. poor sarah.
I think Tony may have had that… but he was only sick for one day. Hope I didn’t catch it from him.
*hugs*
oh, and duh. “hopefully i didn’t put…” referred to work huh. yeah i’m stupid today.
autarchex | 13-Apr-04 at 6:16 pm | Permalink
he lunges with deception-acid-claws
grand.
miss_coconut | 13-Apr-04 at 7:11 pm | Permalink
It must hurt getting hit by that ray so often.
tee hee :)
uninspired_net | 13-Apr-04 at 9:24 pm | Permalink
Heh, I suppose I do still deserve that.
amanojyaku | 13-Apr-04 at 10:13 pm | Permalink
well at least you don’t emit the asshole ray like i do
“shiny happy brown hole sun”:)
clover334 | 13-Apr-04 at 11:01 pm | Permalink
Well,
at least you are getting some good creative use out of that creep.
How great art is devised: passion.
At least he bought you expensive dinner first,
I mean, that’s a touch of class.
sophimajor | 13-Apr-04 at 11:13 pm | Permalink
Way to kick ass, Penny
durandal1707 | 14-Apr-04 at 6:03 am | Permalink
Where’s my DivX download?? n33d war3z
starladear6 | 14-Apr-04 at 2:27 pm | Permalink
dean’s not an asshole. :) *hugs*
starladear6 | 14-Apr-04 at 2:27 pm | Permalink
lol