Penny Hero (dot) Net

Ok, I gave in.

“Go back in time in your journal” Meme

1. Go into your LJ’s archives.
2. Find your 23rd post (or closest to).
3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.

My sentence:

“Check back for the latest juice on the Life of Penny’s Russian Spy.”

I wouldn’t have posted this if it weren’t this funny. This is exactly the 5th sentence in my 23rd post. Foa real brah.

Yeah… if you can’t tell, I really don’t want to be studying or writing my english midterm essays. *pouts*

Hi hi hi to !! haven’t seen him in… oh, forever?? and he just dropped me off from dinner. [/bragging]

I’m feeling really bitter right now. About the US government… about how most of my Big Values are unimportant to the vast majority of those in power and how that filters down to the masses of under-educated people on the internet and leads them to hate me because I express a certain view that they can’t understand. I’m bitter about how education doesn’t have the emphasis it should. I’m bitter about this rumor about the draft being reinstated.

I have this theory. Education has been de-emphasized because people in power know that if the general public were better educated, they wouldn’t have been elected in the first place. My raising cost of tuition is all part of Bush’s re-election campaign.

In Other News: I just got back from Seattle/Mill Creek. I went and saw Paul Van Dyk. It was fun, but not as fun as the Armin one… not nearly. This show was completely sold out… the club was at full capacity, and it would take a good 15 minutes just to make your way across the fricken bar. The peole weren’t quite as friendly either… a little more snotty. And the guys who tried to dance with me were just dirty. (I had to turn around and shove this one guy off my ass because he didn’t seem to understand that moving away from him meant I didn’t want to dance with him). I did dance with one soooper hot guy, but he dissapeared soon after, and never said a word to me.

Paul’s music was awesome. But the two djs before him were… boring, or something. I don’t know how to describe why I didn’t like their mixing. two repetitious…? too much of a certain tempo? It was just boring, and my brain was like “ok… is this all the song does?”

I honestly had more fun at the Armin show, mostly because of the people there… Armin also liked to play with the crowd… waving his arms around, gettin’ all intimate and shit. Paul was pretty blah, performance wise. Granted, everyone I talk to says that Armin is the only big dj who actually performs. Everyone else just makes music.

Ok… gonna go make food.

Setting: park-bench on the waterfront.

Penny, and her most promising new side-kick trainee Ilguk (a Korean-American porno-movie director), are wrapping up another of their secret super-hero meetings in front of an expensive restaurant where he just bought her dinner.

Penny: The stars look really nice tonight.
Ilguk: Yes they do, Penny.
Penny: The Superhero Comm-ship is up there, you know. Its orbit hides it in Jupiter’s light.
Ilguk: You shouldn’t tell me that. I’m not your side-kick yet.
Penny: Oh, but I think you will be. I trust you completely. You spent more time at the Academy than I did, and you are better at ballancing your own life with your Super-Hero life than I ever was. I’m an extremely good judge of character. You won’t betray me.
Ilguk: Ha ha ha ha. That’s what YOU think.
Penny: *blinks* What?
Ilguk: Oh, nothing. I just said “Ha ha ha ha. That’s what YOU think.”
Penny: You are joking right?
Ilguk: No.
Penny: What? I’m confused.
Ilguk: Penny? this is going to be hard for both of us just you, because I’m not even going to pretend to be torn up about this.
Penny: ??

Ilguk reaches up, grabs his own chin, and tears his own face off, revealing a bloody mass of smelly fat and bloody muscle hanging on to skull-bones and a few metal implants

Ilguk: I am none-other than your newest ARCH NEMESIS! You can call me Gukster the Really Good Faker!

Gukster the Really Good Faker strikes a dramatic pose and purple smoke seeps out of nowhere and transforms his non-descript clothing into evil lawyer-clothes.

Penny gasps in shock, and assumes a defensive position, pulling out a large chinese broadsword that she always keeps with her, but manages to somehow keep out-of-sight from the camera at all times

Penny: I applaud you for fooling me. That must have been quite a task to hide your astral aura from my super-psychic senses. You indeed have a talent for deception, so I think your Villian-name is apt.
Ilguk: Why thank you.
Penny: You understand that I must kill you now. You know too much.
Ilguk: Naturally, you must try. Don’t be decieved! it will be I who kills YOU!

he lunges with deception-acid-claws

Penny: back, you demon!

She runs from him down the sidewalk to put enough distance between them so that she can use her pocket-sized grenade launcher

Ilguk: You can run but you can’t hide!
Penny: I laugh at you and your cliches!! Not to mention that bad “don’t be decieved” pun!

Suddenly, half a dozen lights shine out of the sky and touch the ground surrounding Gukster the Really Good Faker. Shapes begin to grow and take form in the lights, and Penny begins to see the shadows and profiles of her most feared and sociopathic Arch Rivals from past comic-issues. She drops her grenade launcher in shock, which then snaps back into it’s pocket-sized shape.

The villians continue to materialize

Ilguk: Ha ha ha. What’s this?
Penny: (under her breath) This could be very bad for the Earth.

The shapes finish their materializing, and stand in their purple and blue sparkling anti-glory side-by-side with Gukster the Really Good Faker.

Southern Fruit Demon: Hey, you.
Ilguk: Me?
Boot, the Kung-Fu Non-Decliner: Yeah you. New guy. Come here. *yawns*
All old Villians in Unison: GET THE FUCK OFF OUR TURF!
Son of the Moke-Bird King: She’s got enough on her hands with us following her around for the rest of her life.
Shop-Teacher From 8th Grade: Hoh brah. Dat dumb-haole super-hero stay going DOWN someday brah. But not by you. no wayz brah. She stay OURS.
Penny: (from a distance) I thought you fuckers were locked up!
Villians: We are. But the guard let us out if we promised to waste this guy, because there isn’t any more room in the Jail of Penny’s Arch Nemesis’s.
Penny: I see. Carry on then. But don’t kill him. Just sew his face back on, so that when I see him at the Academy, I won’t pass out. I liked him better when he had skin.

Needles and threads fly, and Gukster the Really Good Faker is once-more (foricbly) transformed into the harmless Ilguk the Porno-Director, cum-splattered cheap camera in hand…. with two differences: his Academic transcript at the Super Hero Academy has been destroyed, and his Deception Acid is now ineffective because Penny has sent the chemical formula to the Comm-Ship, where a vaccine will be developed to protect her in the future.

Penny approaches. Ilguk looks embarrassed, and touches his re-attached face.

Penny: You will drive me to my friends’ place so that I can laugh about this with them.
Ilguk: Um… Ok.

They drive away.

Penny: You’ve been expelled from the Academy for your betrayal. You have 25 days to return your textbooks and super-powers to the circulation desk or you will suffer late-fees.
Ilguk: …
Penny: And thanks for dinner.

THE END.