Penny Hero (dot) Net

Last night, I was watching tv, and this commercial for something fluffy came on… these twin girls ran into a bedroom to wake up “daddy” by whacking him with pillows and climbing all over him. It made me think of children, and the whole phenomenon of human reproduction for some reason. I started thinking about how I do remember a time when my brother did not exist, but how he does not remember a time when I did not exist.

In my half-asleep philosophical haze, (it was at least 1am) I suddenly realized that while I could conceptually understand how a human body is created, I had no idea where the actual person came from. “My Brother” the body came from our parents’ DNA plus the miracle of cell division, but the person that my brother is… where the fuck did he come from? (you know, the personality, the soul, whatever) This realization had me feeling all hot and dizzy for a while.

Honestly, I didn’t realize until this morning after I’d had my coffee that this is probably what is known as “the miracle of life”, and that just about every human being (and maybe even cats) with any sense of intellect has contemplated it. It’s part of why religion was invented. It’s one of the questions religion tends to answer.

It probably sounds really stupid now, and you, my lovely reader, are thinking “duh. she just figured this out last night? *pfft* dummie.” Well, you can just shutup, ok? :) I just think it’s funny how a realization like this will force me to try to define my own feelings or beliefs about it, no matter how late of a bloomer I am.

Some thoughts I had last night: I believe that the person inside the body doesn’t really “grow” and develop in the same sense that the body does. Sure, it learns to talk, cross the street safely, etc etc, but that’s all just mortal “program your neurons” kinds of learning. There’s a part of every person that is unique and was not created by environmental influences or the way he/she was raised. Forgive the synaesthesia, but each person’s “smell” or “color” is inherent. You can see it sometimes in certain kinds of moral-beliefs, interests a person has, favorite colors, favorite animals, personality types (introverted/extroverted etc), sexual orientation… those things I attribute to the person inside the DNA, and those things don’t really “grow” so much as find ways to “come out” and be expressed as the body grows to accommodate the person inside.

I still don’t know where my brother came from. (Neptune maybe?) To complicate things, I’m pretty much 100% sure of where I came from… (Not telling. You’d think I was a freak.) but my beliefs don’t specifically encompass every soul on the planet.

Or, maybe they do now… or at least will once I’m done thinking in a more caffinated kind of way.

Amazing what frying your brain in front of a flickering tv all night long can do for your philosophy-muscles.

I had a dream about a doggie. Right now, that’s all that I can remember. It’s just a bunch of echos that get triggered by pet-food commercials, or cartoons with doggies in them.

I think my dream-doggie was black, and the size of a lab. I remember the smell, and the fact that he/she licked me too much. (so wet and dog-smelly) I hugged her neck, and I was small, like a child. And I remember the walls were metal or concrete,gray and cold. And something about a trapdoor and no windows except for the sake of light.

I wish I could remember more. No, actually, I wish I could just share what I do remember more effectively. The sensations and images from the few dream-instants that I still have were so vivid, and so profound… I wouldn’t need to remember the whole dream, because I think the important things are what stayed with me anyway.

I wonder why I dreamed about a doggie.